What is wrong with me. The last two weeks have bee great. Me and my girl haven't had one fight until today. In about 5 more months i'll have the house payed off and have enough money to fix up the house to how my girl wants it...kitchen, bathroom, dining room, and flooring. She insisted that I get the motorcycle I want before we start any improvements but she seemed really enthusiastic about the idea of fixing up the place. The bike I want only costs $3,000 but the money should go towards the house. I don't know what to do...

Things are going good. Why are they going good? I know a lot a people may go through this but nothing like this has happened to me and I can't figure out why it is... A co-worker is giving me a push mower (since mine hasn't worked in years), my neighbors have to move away so they are giving us their fridge they don't need, a blue chair my girlfriend wanted and some solar power walk way lights. My lawyers are handling some of my business very well and soon people will be paying me money they owe me very soon. I'm only 23 and I'm about to fully own my own house within the next 6 months. I'm about to start a new job within the next week as a regular employee, not a temp. Most of my bills are caught up and I'm actually starting to have hope for the future. Found a CD at a favorite store of mine that I took a chance on and it turns out to be the kind of music I listened to a long time ago to meditate. Everything is going good, very good. Makes me wonder what is about to be taken away from me...I'm afraid...

    Things are finally looking up in my life. I still hate myself but everything is doing better. Bills are finally caught up, my house is about to be paid for, starting a stable new job in about a week with benefits. My girlfriend is back home. Went out for pizza but overheard a supervisor yelling at the waitress who served us. I wanted to beat him within an inch of his life. I really really wanted to...My girl stopped me so I just got coffee instead. As I am writing this I still want to go back and put his head in the oven...why am I so angry...

    My girlfriend is leaving today to stay with a friend. He apparently is having a difficult time. It's only going to be for a few days but I really don't know what I'm going to do without her here. i'll survive though. I have to. I have my job and I have my books so I should be fine. She's been gone before and i've done okay but i'm not sure what will happen this time. All I know is that i'm going to miss her.

    This is my first post. Nothing special. Nothing more than a statement of existence. I am here. I may be noticed or I may be ignored. I've gone years without friends but I have the love of my life here with me so I will be fine.

    I am here...